wheels

What an invention! I've got a wheelchair, and can wheel into my office and blog and stuff. Hand-eye coordination is still poor though. Still, nice to have it back.

Feeling pretty crappy; not much pain, but a fair amount of discomfort which would probably be pain if it wasn't for the meds.

dehydration

I'm feeling a little dehydrated today, most likely due to them taking the IV thing out. So I feel a little crappy today. And I have no energy or anything else. I still sit and pant like after running a 10K after walking the few feet to the bathroom. So I'm still not able to get to my desk.

Visiting nurse is due- catch you later.

sick

Well, he's back! I'm really not sure what is gong on, but it seems that the chemo did not work and probably did bad. It seems to have killed off a lot of the bacteria in my gut. Actually maybe not- could have been the other antibiotics I had. One guy thinks it was the stuff I took for the infected toe. Whatever the proximate cause, the effect was to decrease the populations of everything except this particular strain which then infected my colin thereby colitis. This then caused the increase in fluid in the intestinal tract, which killed my appetite ( no place for the food to go), etc. etc.

Anyway, I'm home again, and starting to feel better. Daughter E and SIL G were here for the festivities. My SIL is a big strong guy; very comforting in someone helping you upstairs.

Rattlesnakes

Note to the northern front- the northern range of the Eastern Timber rattler is in PA, home of the largest rattlers in the world.

Well, I'm back. I really needed a day off from the blog. It was really getting oppressive. I hear rumours about people being upset. Do you have any idea how depressing it is to send out a blog and get no response whatsoever? So I'll still Blog, but on my schedule and without the compulsion. I know I set it up that way.

We're experimenting with the different drugs, pain-killers as well as digestion meds, in different concentrations, and seem to be making some progress. IN the mean time, I'm still flaky from the pain pills, so much so that I can't trust myself to drive. Nor to write a coherent blog without a lot of effort!

fighting

Still fighting, albeit a little late. Hey, I'm going to have to declare force majure here with the timing. I know some of you look forward to getting this to assure yourseves I'm sill alive, and I know I said by noon would do it, but it's getting increaseingly difficult to do. So there may be times when I don't get it out by noon or even 4. I'm sure you can deal.

Definition of Force Majure:

http://www.google.com/search?q=force+majure&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7GGLD_en

Anyway, I had a nice conversation with my doctor, the result of which is that I take 20 mg of the time release drug every 12 hour, and use the non- time release for pain breakthroughs, which I haven't needed yet, but it's only been a few days. More info as available.

Another boring day. I don't know if that's good or not- just a fact, jack.

Leaves are falling big-time. They are so big and heavy, being wet, that you can hear them hitting the ground.

effects

My side effects seem to getting side effects. I'm taking the Drug to decrease pain and allow me to live in some reasonably facsimile of normal. But this leads to hallucinations, so I can't do much. Even I get saturated with TV once in a while. So I spend a lot of time in bed, sometimes napping, sometimes watching TV or reading, which has now lead to leg cramps. Fun, fun. The eternal quandary is, of course, do I take pain pills for the cramps, which hurt all right? I think not. I think I'll just try to spend less of the day in bed

The diarrhea issue stays with me too. The drug has moved me along the continuum from diarrhea to constipation, to the point where I now get constipation just by skipping the fibre and eating nothing but meat, a diet which worked really well a month go.

O well, keep fighting, I guess

stable

Low level stability, anyway. That's good, I think. I'm having some difficulty keeping up with what is going on around me right now, due to the drugs I don't doubt. I'm hanging in with 40 mg of the narcotic every 12 hours.

Yesterday was OK, mostly, except for being kinda spacey. I count that is being OK, or at least as OK as I can expect to get.

Do you notice there seem to be a lot of qualifications? Lot's of "expect to get" kind of expressions. Life is messy.

The inside of my head is messy today too. I'm finding it difficult to focus again. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Later!

I'm tuning my system- the system being the gorilla and the drugs and the diet and the rest of my life. The problem, of course, is there are too many uncontrolled variables. So when y0u change one (which is what we people do) some others change too, in uncontrolled fashion. To recap: Two nights ago I went up to 40 mg of the drug, from 20, and had a very positive result. So, not to take more than I need, I went back to 30 yesterday morning and evening. Things were OK- not great, but OK, until 4AM, aka O-dark-30, when I woke up with pain in the gut. So I got up and took a 5 mg not time release cap. (The 10 and 20mg sizes are time release over 12 hours.) The drug stays in my system for about 4-5 hours. I slept the rest of the night OK, except for being too warm, but not awake enough to take the blanket off. So I'm going to stick with 30 for another 12 hour cycle- in Science we call this a replicate which is a fancy word for repeat. Seems like I do this tuning thing a lot! Part of the problem is the gorilla changes in unpredictable ways.

In the midst of all this, I'm trying to set up a circulation fan in our family room. Heat is all against on wall, the short wall at that. There's not enough clearance for a ceiling mounted fan, so I'm trying to mount a small fan on top of the bookcase. Now this is really not a difficult problem, but I want it to run off the light switch. The outlets in that room are not switched, although they are in every other room in the house. The ceiling is the drop type, with fluorescent lights mounted above the ceiling and clear 2x4 tiles under them. So I'm trying to tie into that line with an outlet box, into which I can plug the fan. Should be doable. I'm kind of chipping at it- do a little each day to avoid exhaustion.

drugs

Drugs work. What a concept- things that actually do some good!

As you know, I've been fighting pain for the last week, since the last chemo treatment. Last night , at the usual 8:30 dose, it suddenly occurred to me I might be overthinking the whole thing. I get pain, my doctor gave me meds for pain, but I'm trying to attack the cause by fiddling with my diet. So I just simplemindedly said to myself, "you have pain, take meds", and took a double dose. Did it work! I felt a lot better, not just less pain, although it went away nicely, but felt better all over. I was even a bit "high" from the narcotic. But I was able to relax watching the ball game in the evening, and sleep through the night, except for getting up to take off blankets again when I was too warm at midnight. For those interested in dosage, I was taking 20mg, went to 40 last night, back to 30 this morning. I've got 10 mg caps as well as the 20, so a 20 and a 10 is 30.

This morning I still feel fine, no gas pains, no cramps. Amazing drugs!

I understand this drug, whose name I will not mention, is the street drug of choice. Just last week a house in Logenton was broken into just to steal the drug. We're on enhanced security alert- just keeping on eye on people in the area. Since there are so few, and most of them Amish, it's pretty easy.

cramps

Kinda a boring day. Not that's that all bad, considering the alternatives. Had a steak for dinner, most of which tasted real good and went down well. However, it led to world-class indigestion. I had gas cramps, got up from watching the baseball game and had a BM. An hour later, same thing again. By this time it was bed time. I was missing all the good parts of the ball game, being in the bathroom. So I shut it off and went to bed. About midnight I turned over and got the cramps again. I lay still and they went away, so I went to sleep, but remembered all night not to move. By morning I had leg cramps from not moving. I was really kinda afraid to move, but eventually I did and surprise, no cramps. So I had tea and toast, very gingerly, but no negative effects. I don't know what this means either, so don't ask.

You've all heard "Life is a journey, not a destination." right? Very apt, I always thought. Anyway, I've got a new one for you: "Life is an open book test." which is kinda fun. Quite apt too, I think. In this family we obviously believe it- keep reference works handy at all times.

metabalism

Life goes on, sort of. Yesterday was another very lethargic day. I spent a lot of it in bed. I find I tend to go into sick bed mode at ttimes like this. I don't worry about when I'm awake or asleep. If I feel like sleeping, I sleep. If not, not. Anything wakes me up, I wake up, but it doesn't bother me. I can always go back to sleep. I figure I have a certain number of hours laying there doing nothing, so it doesn't matter what time of day or night I do it.

Metabalism seemed out of control again yesterday. In the afternoon, I was very cold. I had the electric mattress pad on, several blankets, and two swetshirts. Later, the pad was off and I was down to one sweatshirt. In the middle of the night, I woke up hot and sweaty. I had no sweatshirts on and had to take a blanket off. This AM I'm kinda normal- chilly, but OK with two sweatshirts. I don't understand why it varies so much over the relativly short time of a day.

Pretty good baaseball games. The Phillies are conning me into rooting for them! I just can't get excited about either of the AL teams.

quiet

All quiet on the Western Front. I'm sleepy today, probably still an effect of the chemo. What a drag.

I managed to stay awake through the baseball game last night, and then slept very well. Very little discomfort in the gut today too, always a good sign. Actually, I feel like a nap, so I guess I'll go take one.

Later!

Maggie

I just talked to Maggie- she wants y'all to know she's fine, happy, cheerful and living in a great house in the Maine woods. The breathing thing is great- no difficulties whatever. She's getting a DSL line, but not until the 21st, so no internet. She's trying to find the local library, where there is usually access. She can go to her brother's house too.

Any way, bottom line is she's doing fine!

better

I'm better today, but not back all the way yet. It's a week since the chemo, and, as I said, the worst week yet. I spent most of yesterday in bed, with the predictable result that I had trouble sleeping last night. So what, I'm sure I got enough sleep during the day.

Economy: My take is as follows, and keep in mind that I did study economics in the MBA program. A loan company borrows (say) 100K. Balance sheet now shows an asset for 100K cash and a liability for accounts payable of 100K. Company now loans out the 100K as a mortgage. Now the balance shows an asset for 100K mortgage and the liability for 100K stays the same. Now the value of the asset drops since it was overpriced in the first place. Say it drops to 75K. Now the balance sheet shows an asset of 75K and a liability for 100K. Liabilities exceed assets- bankrupt! Now the government comes in and guarantees the 100K- theoretically, the company is solvent again. I think that's the theory anyway, but it doesn't seem to be working real well, although the Dow is up 82 right now, 10 minutes after the opening.

Politics: boring! CNN is discussing the possibility of an Obama landslide. The trends are certainly that way. He's sounding more presidential every day, and McCain less.

Baseball: Second round starts tonight. I guess I'll root for the Dodgers (because of Joe Torre) and the Red Sox because I'm familiar with them.

Basketball: Starting! Saw the first pre-season Knicks game last night. They look good- new coach, new system. They're playing run 'n gun which is a fun game to watch. Clyde is still doing commentary, a very good thing.

lethargy

Don't know what's going on, exactly, but this gorilla is messing with me. Or maybe it's the chemo side effects. You do remember I'm cold all the time, right? Well, yesterday afternoon witting here at my 'puter I get real hot- break out in a sweat! I have to take off a sweatshirt (I had 2 on ) and open the door to ventilate. Then last night, sleeping away, I woke up hot and sweating again. I ventilated and went back to sleep. Then later I woke up cold. This morning I was really cold again. What's with that? It's like my metabolism gets out of control every once in a while.



This AM we went into Mill Hall for haircuts, an exercise which exhausted me. I just have no energy at all- all I want to do is lie in bed. Not good. I went back three weeks ago and read the blog I wrote then- I said it was the worst side effects. OK, we've now set a new PR! I really could have done without it.

frost

OK, it's officially winter. We had a frost last night, or probably early this morning. It was 31 at 7, definitely cold. I and my cold sensitivity are staying in. The side effects are continuing, but diminishing every day, as one would hope. As I've mentioned before, the side effects are more severe each time I get a chemo treatment. What a drag.

Last night I had some discomfort, just a little. I thought about taking an extra oxy, but didn't, thinking if it kept me awake I'd take one then. Wrong. I would get a little shot of pain, enough to wake me, change position and get back to sleep, then repeat. I never woke up enough to get up and take a pill. Made for a long, and not very restful, night.

Maggie is in her house in Maine, but it will be a while before she gets Internet access. She's talking abut a DSL line for TV and Internet. After she gets settled in, we'll go up for a visit. She called this morning and sounded quite cheerful. Being able to breath will do that.

blues

For those of you following Bootstrap Maggie, she made it here last evening and has now taken over her own blogging again. We fed her steak, wine, and orange cake. She seemed to need the food and rest.

I'm coming out of the post chemo blues, very slowly, but there is movement. I continue to have issues with the cold, although everybody else thinks it's not cold. This too is normal. Seems to me each chemo the side effects are worse, although between chemos I seem to be better. I'm trying to compare equivalent positions in the cycle, which isn't easy. But that's my subjective take on the situation.

Baseball is not as interesting as it was, with the Cubs out of it. I did watch most of the Red Sox- Rays game last evening- 4-4 at the end of the 8th- but it's not holding my interest the way it was when the Cubs were still in it. Who to root for- NOT the Red Sox, maybe the White Sox?

Politics seems to be going on as usual. Saw a clip of Palin speaking in Florida. She did well, good speaker, told a joke on herself re Tina Fay and SNL, took a few shots at their opponents. I still think she was a disastrous choice for McCain since she is a right wing lug nut. You'd think they could manufacture a reason for her to step aside and allow McCain to get one of his buddies in that slot, but they probably won't. And that's the problem.

today

Maggie was in Indiana last evening, trying to get into Ohio before stopping. In any case, she'll be here today, or maybe tonight. Trip continues to go well. Sure be nice to see her again! (BTW, "here" is central PA.)

I'm not well, but better. This chemo is bad news, but it's keeping that gorilla from doing me in, so I guess that's a good thing. This is for sure the worst post chemo I've had. It may be due to the enzyme I restarted. I looked at the data sheet yesterday, the enzyme reaction follows the same pathway as a typical lab hydrolysis- splits the triglyceride to fatty acid and glycerol. Why glycerol or fatty acid gave me the symptoms I have is beyond me. Right now I have no gastric distress at all. I just feel lethargic and sick all the time. I'm slowly adding foods back into the diet. Yesterday I had eggs for breakfast and grilled chicken for dinner. I'm being very careful with fat and oil, since I suspect that caused the problem with the enzyme. Life goes on.

Cubs finished their collapse. They really looked lame- bad pitching, lots of errors, no hitting. Looks to me like they were pressing instead of relaxing and playing baseball. They certainly didn't look like the team with the best record in the league. They haven't won a post season game since the infamous Steve Bartman- Moses Alou incident in Wrigley.

SOON

Maggie was in the vicinity of Tulsa last evening. She was tryng to make Joplin before stopping. She was happy and cheerful; it's going well.

I am coming out of the colic. Now I have to start eating again. I'm also in the post-chemo sicky feeling, where nothing feels good.

colic

The gorilla won a battle last night. I spent the night with a world-class case of colic. I had severe gas from both ends at once. On one end, it felt like I was going to barf, but only lots of gas. On the other end the same sort of thing- felt like I was going to poop, but only lots of gas. This all made for lots of quick trips to the bathroom. Lots of fartin' and burpin'!

I think it was caused by the enzyme I started taking again. It's breaking down the fats and then they have to digest, which is something my bod is not used to doing. I had some beef patties for dinner, there's lots of fat in those. I feel a little better this morning, but kind of wiped out from being up most of the night. I've got to run down to Danville again to get the post-chemo shot too.

The cold sensitivity is worse than it's ever been. Even drinking a little water to wash down meds hurts my lips. Same with the pain in my jaw joints- wore it's ever been. These are side effects I've had before, but they are getting worse. One of the doctors told me the side effects are cumulative. I guess I agree.

Maggie

Maggie called at about 7:15 (EST) and was in the vicinity of Tucumcari NM. She sounds fine and says everything is OK.

I, on the other hand, am suffering from early and severe side effects from the chemo. Ugh.

chemo

Just got back from Geisinger Medical Center. J the PA says I'm fine, continue to be stable. After the next cycle of chemo they will want to do another CT scan.

My stool is very greasy (you don't want to know how I determined this) so I'm back on the enzyme Dr S prescribed back in early Spring.

She doesn't know what to do about diarrhea. She suggested I try Imodium. Part of the problem is the best anti-diarrhea is the oxy I'm already taking, and it's not doing much good that I can see.

Basically status vis a vis the 800 lb gorilla remains quo. Not bad, considering the alternatives.

Flagstaff

Maggie told her sister she was planning on stopping in Flagstaff overnight. I talked to her at about 6:30 EST and she was in Kingman at that time. She said it's all going well, except for the heat. No AC in that Jeep.

I'm off for my every 3 week chemo treatment in a few minutes. This includes a consultation with the medical people. I'll blog again later today, if I have a chance, and pass on what they tell me.

Later!

road

For those of you who are interested in Maggie's progress, she was planning on leaving LA at sunset yesterday, after the heat of the day. I don't know when she stopped for the night either. So I presume she's out of LA somewhere to the east.

All quiet here in the EF. Cloudy, a little chilly, rain last night but nothing now. Tomorrow is my next chemo treatment, which is a real drag. Beats the alternative, I guess. But my quality of life is not ideal. I need to go in to town today to get goodies for Maggie's arrival, whenever that may be. The plan is steak and cake, with margaritas on the side. Slay the fatted calf- the prodigal returns!

I did walk a mile and a quarter yesterday, and had a few leg cramps last night, so I guess that's enough for a while. I'll do 1.25 until I'm comfortable doing it, then escalate.

mouse

Last week I tried to take the Honda Pilot out for some exercise. Much to my horror it wouldn't start. Dead battery. I charged it overnight; it's fine now. Yesterday I took it out for some more exercise. I was driving down the road, minding my own business, when a mouse crawls out from down under the windshield wiper. On the pilot that a large black hole sort of place, full of dead leaves and the like. Anyway, mouse looks very unhappy about being out in the open at 40 mph, so it crawls back under. When I get home, I throw some moth balls under there. They make good mouse repellent too. This is outside the passenger compartment, outside the firewall, so I don't think the car is infested. That happened once before and daughter M and I took all the interior apart and stuffed it with moth balls. The car reeked of naphthalene for a while, but I guess it all sublimed away. It's refreshed.

Yesterday I tried to download my financials to my Quicken. it sits there for an hour saying it's downloading, but not. Hmm. Sounds bad. I loaded Quicken onto my laptop, then loaded the data file to a thumb drive and opened it on the laptop. Works fine, downloads nicely and all. I guess I'm gong to have to uninstall Quicken from the desktop and reinstall it.

I have to use a thumb drive because I can't get the laptop and desktop to talk to each other, although they are both on the same LAN. I suspect firewall issues, but I checked everything I know and can't find everything.

No bail-out yet, although I think there will be one this week. They need to feed their political dogs first. Looks like a lot of finger-pointing going on this AM. This would be a real good time to buy real estate if one had a bunch of cash laying around.

I need to go see Dr D in a few minutes. My toe is much better. And Thursday is the high spot of the week, the chemo treatment.

mile

I walked a whole mile yesterday! Yes, indeed, 1/26th of a marathon. I got my wrist mounted GPS out and went a half mile and then back. Sure enough- 1.04 miles on the clock. My legs were really tired at the end, like they used to get after a 10 mile run or something. I had a dream the other night about walking- then I broke into a run! Not a fast run, but a slow jog. It really felt good, in a kinda dreamy way.

Funny, I feel really good about being able to walk a mile. After all the many miles I used to run, you'd think a mile would be nothing. I guess it's like the dog who could sing- it's not that he could sing really well, but that he could sing at all. So I guess that's how I feel- it's remarkable that I can walk at all. In fact, when you think about it, it's remarkable that I'm alive at all. Actually, I prefer not to think about it- too depressing. One day at a time!

Looks like Kyle went further east than the original forecast, up the Bay of Fundy. I guess the Northern Front survived and is quiet.

I had some more of the great beef from Wal-Mart last evening. It actually is packed by Cargill, a big name in feed, fertilizer, beef, etc. Big Midwestern company, what they call an agribusiness. Anyway I had 3/4 of a pound of chopped sirloin, mixed with chopped onion and Worcestershire, then formed into a big patty and grilled. I put a few slices of Provolone on it right at the end, long enough for it to melt, and then guacamole and salsa on it to eat. Yum!

Looks like the financial crisis is over for now. Now the question is "What's next?" IMHO, Obama looked statesman-like while McCain just ran around making a fool of himself. I personally dislike a bail-out; it violates my liberal Republican principles. I think people who make bad deals should pay the penalty, whatever it is. That includes people who take out mortgages they can't afford with no down payment, as well as the people who sold those mortgages. What were they thinking?

DIRECTV

One of my HDTV receivers has been kinda fluky. It worked fine most of the time, but occasionally would just give me a message that I had a "wrong card". I'd call customer service and fight my way through the automated voice system until I get a real person, who would tell me to take out the card and reinstall, reboot, etc, etc. None of that would work. Finally they would do something on their end and it would work again. This happened about 6 times since it was installed in June, with me getting less patient with them each time. Finally they agreed to send a tech and change the receiver. That was scheduled to be today between 8 and noon. Gal shows up at 7:45 this morning, just as my gross eggs were ready to eat. She lives in Rote and gave herself extra time since she knows the address is not very specific. Very nice person, very helpful, and did a fine job. I ate breakfast in my office while she worked. So now it should be fine. She also gave me the number of the local office, where she works, and said they would usually be here the next day if I have a problem. Sounds good!

Hurricane Kyle heading to Maine! The name sorta fits, you must admit. Looks like it'll come ashore right about Eastport, on the Maine-New Brunswick border.

Walk yesterday was quite successful. I'll keep doing it for a while. I can adjust clothing to keep myself warm, which I can't do in the pool without a wet suit or something. Dog liked the walk too, being a dog and all.

Newman

They just announced on CNN that Paul Newman died of cancer. My favorite actor, gone at 83. So may great films, from "Cool Hand Luke" through "Butch Cassidy" and "The Sting" to "Nobody's Fool".

"What we have here is a failure to communicate!" and then the prison warden blows him away in "Cool Hand Luke".

The scene in "Nobody's Fool" where Melanie Griffith flashes him is great too- he says a lot with making a sound.

And of course he raced sports cars as a hobby. What a hobby! Later he just owned the team, but he actually raced at a fairly elderly age. How cool is that?

rain

Rain is happening here in the EF today. We do get a rumble of thunder once in a while too, but it's not a serious electrical storm. It was dark at 7 though- first time this season I've needed lights to get dressed. A sure sign of fall.

Looks like the Northern Front is about to get clobbered with rain and wind. Keep your powder dry, you guys!

I went swimming yesterday. I only did 2 laps again, and I was cold, so I beat it into the hot showers. The gal at the front desk told me they are trying to keep it between 84 and 86, but it was down to 82. That sounds a lot warmer than it felt. I'm beginning to wonder how they measure the temp. I've seen the lifeguards dip a thermometer in at the edge, but the pool is very often stratified; i.e. warm on top and cold under the surface. Hey, warm water rises, cold water sinks. I think the only mixing it gets is the people moving the water when they swim. I don't know where the pick up for the heater is, nor where the discharge back into the pool. It needs to be discharging warm water into the bottom, obviously.

Maybe I can't swim, at least until the get their act together. Maybe I should try walking. I started swimming after my orthopedist told me to minimize impact on the bad knee, but that was a hundred pounds ago. Less impact now, which may be the only good side of the battle with the gorilla. I can ride bike too, which is low impact. I'm really weak, and I don't like it one bit!

quiet

All quiet on the Western Front. Funny to think we're about to become the Western Front in PA! With one offspring in New Hamster and the other two in down-east Maine, that's what will happen. Anyway, it's quiet here today. I'm in the third week of the chemo cycle, and at my best. I do feel pretty good. I have a little discomfort in the left lung, but nothing serious. Thinking about trying the Y again today.

Does anyone else think McCain is self-destroying himself? I think the Palin thing was a big pander- I thought better of him. He should have stood his ground and held out for Leiberman or Tom Ridge. Ridge was a governor too, in PA which is a battleground state. Only trouble was he's pro choice, as are most Americans, who are moderates, but not the right wing lug nuts who think Palin walks on water. And now McCain is just making a fool of himself over the latest financial crisis and the bail-out. Obama, on the other hand, is making all the right noises at the right times, in my view.

I studied economics in the MBA program, and was pretty much up on what was going on, but they are starting to confuse me. Only think I can figure, after reading an explanation in The Economist, is the value of the assets the companies hold are declining, since they are mortgages in real estate. And of course when a companies assets decline past the value of their liabilities, they are technically bankrupt.

Yesterday when the dog and I went down for the paper at 7, the crows across the street in the Mark's pasture were carrying on, cawing and flying around. So we stopped and watched, and sure enough a big hawk flew out from behind the trees. No, I don't know if it was a red tail or not, but the red tail the most common hawk around here. I guess the crows took exception to the hawk hanging around. Don't think they are nesting at this time of year.

I see Rep. Barney Frank is getting some air time about the financial bail-out. Nice to see him not being castigated because he's gay. He's just another politician, and you can agree or disagree with him. Sometimes I think society is actually making progress. As Queen Victoria is said to have said, "I don't care what they do, as long as they don't do it in the streets and scare the horses." Amen, Vikky. Or should that be Queeny?

I made a killer batch of chili for dinner last evening. I've discovered that Wal-Mart, of all places, carries meat by grade. They have ground chuck, sirloin and round. Nobody else I've found has that; they all have just "beef" with no comment on the specific source. The Wal-Mart sirloin is particularly good- good taste, better, IMHO, than the generic "beef". it's also labeled as to ft content- 10% in this case. Anyway the chili- I browned the beef with onion and garlic in olive oil, added frozen green peppers and a few pieces of Jalapeno, cooked it down, and added a can of diced tomatoes. Cooked down a little and ate with some grated cheese and sour cream on top. Yum!

memory

I think I'm losing my memory, but I forget. Yeah, yeah, there are a million "losing your memory" jokes out there. But I seriously have holes in mine. What's with that?

Incident 1: I made bookcases a few years ago; son in Bangor has one. I was admiring it when I noticed there is a block on each side holding the top onto the side. Pretty clever, screwed and glued, nice and stable, adds strength. Picture the block attached to the side and the top attached to the block. But I have no memory of installing it! How could I forget a significant detail on something I built?

Incident 2: I had my pistol locked in a lock box in my closet. There were two keys to the locks; I had one. My memory was that I gave wife the other, but when I asked her for it, since I will be using the new cabinet instead, she claimed she never saw it. I looked in the place where I keep spare keys and there it was. OK, I have it, and that's good, but why does my memory continue to tell me I gave it to the wife?

Incident 3: I kept a 20 gauge shotgun in my closet. I thought it was loaded, but yesterday when I took it out to clean it and put it in the new cabinet, it's empty. My memory is that I kept it loaded in case of burglars or whatever, but there are no shells in it. How did I unload it and why put it back in the bedroom closet instead of in the hall closet in it's case with the other empty long guns and have no memory of doing so?

The bookcase was built before the cancer surgery, where I got a lot of drugs, so I can blame the drugs. The key could have been that I intended to give the wife the key, and then brain decided I did so, even though I didn't. But the gun throws me for a loop. I was feeling secure since I had a loaded gun handy, and it turns out it wasn't loaded. How did it get unloaded without me remembering doing so?

cold

The cold is getting to me, and it's only the first days of fall. Monday I went to the Y pool- it was so cold I didn't want to even get in. Oh, actually I guess I could have, but it really wasn't comfortable. I told them it was too cold. they said they have a new system and they can't leave it on all weekend. Why they can't control it, I don't know. The Y is open on the weekend, so there are people there. I don't think I'm going to try it today either.

This morning it was 45 when the dog and I got up at 7. This time of year, 7 is before sunrise. There is no indication of sun at all. A few weeks ago, The sun was shining on the top of the ridge across the valley, but not now. BTW, we live on the north side of a mountain ridge that runs east and west, and there is another ridge to the south up past the Marks dairy farm. It's a really nice view, most of the time.

The cabinet project is going well. Since it's in my office, I work in here. At one point yesterday I found myself sitting at my desk in my desk chair running an electric drill. Seemed incongruous. The photo at the top is my desk, without the drill. ( I can't put it in the text.) The LCD with the dog is the monitor; the one with the tennis match is the hd tv. The drill really doesn't go in there!

Now that I'm a week and a half past my last chemo treatment, I'm feeling better. I get a little discomfort in my left lung, which is undoubtedly the cancer pressing on the lung, but usually changing position, like in bed, makes it feel better. So far I haven't needed an oxycodone. Of course, the down side is I'm only a week and a half away from my next chemo.

tea

Well, folks, tea is a lot easier to live with than coffee. My whole GI system seems happier. I still had some gastric distress last evening, but I feel a lot batter. Like, a 1000 percent better!

I got into British-style tea when I was on a flight to Britain on British Airways. Those of you who have done this know that from the east coast one leaves in the evening and gets to Europe in the morning, after you wake up. BA served breakfast, and when asked, I asked for coffee. It was totally awful! When the flight attendant came by, I apologised and asked him for tea. (Yes, him.) The tea was so great- hot and tasty, add sugar and milk, and it's a little sweet and the milk makes it taste great and not so acid. I should have know better- on a British airline, never order coffee, always order tea. Of course, on both that trip and a subsequent one to the UK, I drank tea. One can get good coffee in the UK, but you have to go to a coffee shop and get what I think they called a "filter" to do so. Why bother when the tea is so good?

Yesterday I bought a steel cabinet to go in my office. I walked it up the stairs myself! It weighs 75 lbs, so I was impressed with myself. Today the plan is to modify it with hooks and so on. It's nice to have a project to do- one I can actually do.

I'll be reporting on the progress of daughter Maggie- aka Bootstrap Maggie- as she progresses across the country since she won't have any Internet on the way. She'll be able to call on the cell, of course, and I'll pass on progress reports. Stay tuned to this space!

coffee

I went back to drinking coffee about a week ago. It seems to me, purely subjectively, that the gastric distress is worse. So I'll stop coffee again- back to tea with milk and sugar, British style. Seems to me I ran this experiment once before with the exact same result.

An old friend and blog reader, P, asked about GORP and gross eggs. GORP stands for Good Old Raisins and Peanuts. I encountered the concept when cross-country skiing. One makes a mix of stuff to nibble on the trail in the cold. The way I make it at present is to start with a bag of granola, add mixed nuts (not just peanuts), dry fruit, raisins, apricots, dry apples, and a small bag of M&Ms. Mix well and eat. At home I use a spoon.

Gross eggs is really just scrambled eggs with onion and garlic. The first step is to saute the onion and garlic in olive oil. When I started making it, on Saturday mornings, it would smell up the house while the kids were sleeping, being teenagers, and they would wake to the odor which one of them considered gross. Now I make it with sausage, green peppers, mushrooms, cheese, and salsa, and three eggs, in addition to the onion. Yes, I eat three eggs a day; in my present condition this is a good thing.

I'm going to try swimming again today. Can't go wrong, right?

pain

Yesterday I had a episode of severe pain, associated with a case of gastric distress. It's like I need to have a BM with diarrhea but it's blocked by something. So the bowl contracts to expel but can't so it hurts. This goes on for about 2o minutes, then things move and everything is OK again, except that my internals are really sore for a while and I'm really tired and cold. It's really painful while happening, but it only lasts a few minutes. This happens every 3 or 4 weeks. I'll discuss this with my doctor next time I go in. I think I did once before, and got the usual "hmmm" response from Dr W. I'll demand an answer this time.

Obviously I didn't get to paddle yesterday. Today the forecast is for 79 so that should be warm enough, if nothing else happens. Right now it's 50 and foggy. Boat is still on top of the car, so it's ready. The question, as usual, is am I ready. The weak link is me.

This episode has me thinking about the wisdom of a trip to the Florida Keys. Really though, the whole thing only took a few hours, including the nap afterwords, and I could do that anywhere. We'll think about it some more. We obviously need to discuss it with the doctor too before any decision can be made, since the trip will take about 4 weeks which implies missing a chemo treatment. The object of the exercise is to not be in the EF for deer season, the week after Thanksgiving. A shorter trip would work too. When we were in Oneonta, I noticed the next town is Cooperstown; might be fun to spend some tiime at the baseball Hall of Fame. And we could spend some time on the Northern Front, which should contain all three offspring by then. Oneonta and Cooperstown are about half way to the Northern Front.

Cubs won yesterday and so got in the playoffs on their own win. The Brewers lost, so the Cubs would have gotten in anyway, but it's better to do it on their own win at home in front of their fans against the Cards, the traditional rival. How sweet it is! This is the first time the Cubs have won their division two years in a row since 1907-1908, and they last won the Series in 1908. Does this mean they will win the Series? No, not really, they need to win the games this year. What happened in 1908 has no effect, except maybe psychologically, on what happens in 2008. Fun though!

Am I the only one who thinks the hype about closing Yankee Stadium is considerably overdone? My understanding is the reason for building a new stadium, as opposed to refurbishing the old one, is to increase the capacity for high-roller sky boxes. In other words, for money. Not that I have any objection to them making money- that's what it's all about. But spare us the sentimental clap-trap to justify a financial decision. There's a Miller High Life commercial about the Miller delivery guy going into a sky box at a ball game- nobody is watching the game and they can't even hear what is happening. The guy takes their High Life out.

swim

Well, I swam. Sort of, anyway. I did a lap; my goggles leaked and I had no energy at all. So I stopped and drained out the goggles and resealed them. Then another lap, which went better. Not only did my eyes feel better, but I seemed to be better coordinated and to swim smoother. Then I quit while I was ahead. I ordered new goggles. I think it's going to be OK once I get into the routine of swimming. Good result, I think. I'm kinda torn between being happy that I can swim and being unhappy that I didn't do it sooner. Oh well, one day at a time, right?

Today the plan is to put the canoe in the river. It needs to get warmer first, though. I'm still very cold sensitive.

Cubs lost, but the Brewers did too so the magic number is now one. Maybe today.

two!

The Cubs magic number is now two, after the win last night. For those who may not be baseball fans, that means any combination of Cubs wins or Brewers losses that adds up to two means the Cubs clinch the Central division. ON to the playoffs!

Cold this AM! We had a frost warning last night, but I didn't see any frost this morning. It's coming though! It makes for good sleeping, although I had a restless night. WE have dual control heated mattress pad so I can keep my side warm enough for me. I didn't nap or sleep during the day or evening again, but still had some weird dreams (blame the narcotic) and woke up lot.

I'm feeling a lot better now, being a week plus away from the chemo treatment. Today I'll go to the pool and see how that works. Tomorrow the plan is I'll put the canoe in the river. Here in central PA, "the river" refers to the west branch of the Susquehanna.

Political note: I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable with McCain and his pick of Palin. She is a born-again, and I don't trust those people. They're too sure- they see everything as black and white. The world, in my view, is gray. I guess I don't want a born-again a heartbeat away from the presidency, especially with a president who is 72 and suffered as a POW. I had hopes that McCain would bring the Republican party back to the center, where it was until the Goldwaterites ran Rockefeller and the liberal Republicans out of the party in the San Francisco convention of '64. Goldwater lost big time, but he paved the way for Regan and, maybe more importantly, turned the party over to the born-agains, the so-called "base". Looks to me like the Palin choice was a giant pander to the "base".

Present thinking is to rent a cottage or something in the Keys during early December. A little more expensive than the trailer, but considering the trailer hasn't moved for almost two years, it'll need some maintenance and that's an expense we wouldn't have. The big factor is a cottage (and motel on the way) have the bathroom a few steps away. Camping in the trailer requires getting dressed and using the common bathrooms, not a big deal when healthy but then we're not really healthy.

sleep

I forced my self to stay awake last evening- no sleep after dinner with the Cubs game. I went to bed at about 10 and slept until 11:30, when I had an incident of gastric distress. I had had a hankering for pasta salad, so we had one for dinner- tortellini, shrimp, veggies from the garden. Yummy! But at 11:30, severe gastric distress. But back to bed and then slept all the way through until 7 this morning. I guess it's back to meat for dinner. I eat GORP every day, like now, after breakfast. My GORP is based on granola, with mixed nuts, not just peanuts, and dry apples and apricots in addition to raisins. Also the obligatory M&Ms, of course. That I can eat, but oatmeal, for example, leads to severe distress. I don't understand it. I guess it's just that gorilla trying to keep me guessing. It's working!

Went to J. C. Penny yesterday to get a pair of jeans for the cool weather. I'm officially back to my high school size- 32x32 jeans. Of course, I was in considerably better condition then- that was when I was running the mile in track. My PR was 4:52, under the 5 minute mile. I broke 5 minutes for the first time the same week as when Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile, the first time that had been done. Last week up in Oneonta NY I tried to run a few steps to avoid traffic and found I forgot how to run! Unbelievable! After all the running over the years, including finishing 4 marathons (started 5, but that's another story) my body doesn't know how to run any more.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to do an organized exercise program- swimming, and paddling and biking as the weather permits. We'll see how that goes. Depends on the gorilla, of course.

We're trying to think of a way to go to the Keys in December. Can we trailer? Better in motels? Can it be done at all? Lots of pros and cons.

cow

So, I'm working on the bow and stern lines for the canoe in the garage when the faithful dog starts barking. I come out from behind the car in the driveway to see a large black cow being chased across the front lawn by our small (comparatively) black dog. And there is a small Amish boy in the driveway, of course dressed all in black. I call the dog- Really Reliable Recall still works- and the Amish kid chases the cow back down the driveway. This was a really little kid too, and he was scared of the dog but was perfectly comfortable chasing a large cow around. Technically, I think it was a steer, which to me is a sub-set of cow, not being a farmer. I must admit I didn't examine it sufficiently to determine exactly what it was. The Marks raise their male calves as steers for beef, so I think that was what it was. They can run fast, too, not just lumber along like the milk cows do. This is certainly the Enchanted Forest!

I had a little discomfort last night, and I'm in the "nap during the day, lay awake at night" cycle again. I've dealt with this before, of course, and will deal again. I took an oxycodone in the middle of the night and opened the window. "Change a variable- it's what you people do!" It worked! Finally got to sleep sometime after 2.

I picked up a pair of steel sawhorses at Lowes yesterday to put the boats on when working on them. I've used wood sawhorses, where you buy a set of brackets and use your own 2x4, but they tend to self-destruct in a few months. These should last longer and are height adjustable. I'm at a point in my life where I can't work standing up with my head lower than my body for more than a few minutes- get dizzy. And I can't kneel for more than a few minutes without pain, so I need to support a boat at approximately waist height to work on it. So I got the bow and stern lines on the canoe, which involved putting it on the car to determine lengths. It was easy to put it on and off- it only weighs 18 lbs! Now I need a piece of pipe insulation to put on the cross bars to protect the gunwales of the canoe. And I need to make some tether lines to attach water bottles etc. inside the boats. I've got the hardware; it's just a matter of doing it. I would have done it yesterday, but I got delayed with the cow incident and then dinner was ready.

The bad taste is from the new antibiotic. I've found I get the taste when I take one with water if I don't swallow fast. When I got the bad taste the other day with the wine, I was washing down the med tab with the wine. So I think it'll be OK if I take the med with water and have the wine separately. Close call there- I was kinda scared that I might loose my taste for red wine, which of course would have been a disaster.

wine

The latest thing is red wine tastes bad now! What's with that? It's not bad enough to have to wrestle with the 800 lbs gorilla in the room, which nobody ever mentions, but now wine tastes bad. Actually, I think it might be from the new antibiotic Dr D prescribed yesterday. I went to see him re the red toe thing, which you may remember I had to go to the ER in Bangor for. Dr D doesn't think it's gout- he thing something is flukky (his word) in the circulation in my feet. I have swollen ankles too. He thinks the flukky is caused by either the gorilla or the drugs, including the chemo. (Query to Dr B the dil: does this make sense?) So he gave me a script for another antibiotic, which I think is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. BTW, the results from the blood work in Bangor never came through. Health care in this country is a disaster. Memo to McCain and Obama: Do something about it!

I stopped by the Y yesterday and renewed my membership. Friday (one week from chemo) I'll go to the pool. Exercise has to be good for circulation, right? Even if I can't swim far, a few strokes is more than zero. When we were marathoning, we used to say any run begins with a single step, and that's the most difficult step.

Weather in the EF is kinda blah. Garden is fading away, grass looks tired, etc. The sun hardly ever comes out- partly cloudy is how they describe it. I don't care for fall. Spring is much nicer, summer is warm and friendly, and winter at least raises the hope of XC sking. Fall has nothing I like- football and hunting are not my favorites. Baseball playoffs do happen, but that always seems like the left-overs from summer.

Speaking of baseball, how about them Cubs? Lilly almost got another no-hitter yesterday! Awesome! Now, how about putting some games on TV?

wind

The remnants of hurricane Ike came through last night. Lots of warm humid air, lots of it moving very quickly ( as in wind) but no rain. It was blowing so hard it was difficult to sleep through the noise of the trees blowing. And we have a few leaves down this morning, not a good sign for those of us who don't like fall.

I don't feel real bad today- not back to good yet, but on the way. I felt good before getting up, then kinda bad until I ate my gross eggs, now I feel better. I did make it out to Wal-Mart and Lowes yesterday. I needed new nylon rope for the canoe. My plan is to get the canoe in the water. It only weighs 18 lbs, so I should be able to handle it alone. I'm a little nervous with it in big water, but it'll be fine on the smaller lakes and on the river in Lock Haven. Since I lost about 100 lbs since I used it last, I should have more freeboard. I stole the bow and stern lines from the canoe and put them on the kayak, thus need new lines. The canoe has it's own straps, so that's OK and I have the paddle and PFD so I should be good to go. As usual, the limiting piece is my health.

Cubs won last night; Carlos Zambrano pitched a "no-no"! (That's a no hitter with no runs for those of you who don't follow baseball.) Outstanding! When I turned on the TV in the family room this AM it was set for ESPN and they had the highlights, so I actually got to see some of it. Starting to look like they really can do it; they're lucky as well as good, which is what you need to be to win it all. Most meaningless stat: First pitcher whose name starts with Z to pitch a no hitter in the majors. Baseball is funny with their stats.

bed

I spent most of yesterday in or on the bed. No energy, lots of discomfort. Bleeh! Fortunately there were ball games to watch, even though the Cubs got hurricaned out in Houston. Sounds like they are going to play those two games in Milwaukee tomorrow. We can hope for TV!

This morning I felt pretty good, before I got up. Now I feel rotten again. I may go back to bed again. My head is not working too clearly either, so if I appear to be getting off on tangents, blame it on the drugs. I am determined to get out to Wal-Mart and Lowes this AM to pick up a few things.

Ugh

Side effects are bad this time. Not that they're ever good, but they seem worse this time. The cold sensitivity is really bad- so bad I can't crack and egg without pain. And I feel generally crappy, lethargic, discomfort in the gut, etc. Beats the alternative, I guess. This will pass; it always has done in the past.

forgot

Sorry, you guys, I got confused yesterday and totally forgot to post. We were really tired Wednesday evening, and then the dog slept through 7:00 AM which he never does except when we depend on him to get us up. It's not the dog's fault- nothing is ever the dog's fault! In any case we scrambled around eating breakfasts and showering in time to get out to get to Geisinger by 10 for my once every 3 weeks visit. We made it, but not by much. Anyway, the visit was uneventful, as we hope they all are. Weight is 153, down 4 lbs from 3 weeks ago. I've found my weight goes down when I get a chemo treatment, and then gradually works it's way back up into the 150s. So the only meaningful weight is the one they take every 3 weeks right before the treatment. We saw J the PA again, one of our favs. Everything else was fine- good counts, etc. The blood work for my toe taken in Bangor didn't make it- no surprise there. J was in Maine 3 weeks ago, in Bar Harbor as a matter of fact. I asked her if they did any fun stuff and she said, "yeah, got married!" I guess that qualifies. She says they did it right on the coast of the bay. Then they did a lot of kayaking, some pretty far out on the bay where they needed spray skirts and the like. She said the spray was flying around pretty good. Sounds like fun! Back to my health- she is having the head nurse call Bangor for the blood work. If they can't get it they can take some more. She wasn't sure if they could use the blood they took yesterday; it may all be spoken for. I don't know if they take spares or not. Back in the day, I always took two samples of plant batches and left one in the lab "just in case". In any case, the cancer remains "stable" which is the best we can hope for at this time. Remission, the other 800 lbs gorilla in the room nobody ever mentions, remains a possibility, but with long odds. I do feel better, though. Each cycle I feel better than the last, but the side effects are getting more serious. The cold sensitivity is especially bad today; it really hurt to cut up some onion and stuff for my gross eggs. Just holding the egg in my hand long enough to crack it was painful. J was concerned about my ankles swelling too, so she sent me over to the main hospital for an ultrasound on my legs to see if I have any clots. None. But that slowed things down some more. WE picked up some salads from the large snack bar in the main building, since it was lunch time by now, and took them back with us. One can eat or whatever while the iv is going in, which takes at least 2 hours, plus a flush and some other stuff. So I got the cell phone out and called daughter M in LA. She didn't answer so I left a voice message which she responded to by calling back. My ring tone is ravens calling- loud! Woke up everybody, including me. We had a nice chat about health and trailers and stuff.

Finally got out of there and went home in time to make dinner and go to bed. So I never posted.

home

We're home. Internet connection was wonky in St. Johnsbury. First I couldn't get any connection at all, so I went to the front desk where the gal called in the computer guru who also seems to be her bf. Whatever- he rebooted my machine and then we got a connection. However, it was raining hard and they said they have problems when it rains. It kept dropping the connection on me. I lost the whole blog once, and half of it the second time. Then I just posted the half I had left which is why it's all spaced funny and seems incomplete. I didn't even try this AM in Oneonta. WE jut wanted to get on the road and get home. So we are. More later.

Vermont

Today we're in St. Johnsbury, VT, and it's cold and rainy. Forecast is for more of the same, all day.



Nice motel, much nicer than the dump in Oneonta where we stayed and will stay again tonight. This one is nicely landscaped, flowers growing everywhere, etc.



State of the wrestling match with the gorilla is the same. Subjectivly, I think I'm winning, but there is no objective evidence for that. WE go on.

Birthday

Here's a photo of baby granddaughter at her first birthday celebration. It's not her first until Tuesday, but we won't be here then so we did it today. She's about to throw a piece of homemade birthday cake. I made the orange frosting- it's really good, if I do say so myself, and I do.

We went for a walk on the Bangor Waterfront yesterday. Nice park, water, all the good stuff. Lots of people too!

Today we're on the road again, off to St. Johnsbury VT. Then Oneonta NY again and then home on Wednesday.

visit

So, we had a nice visit with niece W et al. We had a slight communication issue, which we worked out. We had a nice lunch and visit- we decided we hadn't seen each other for 35 or 40 years!

Today is supposed to be Tropical Storm Hanna here in Bangor. Actually, it rained all night, but now it's cloudy with the sun peeking through. I think it came a little earlier than they thought it would, which means it's travelling faster than expected, the laws of motion being what they are.

The gorilla remains quiet. I had a wrap in a corn tortilla for lunch, and pasta salad, and the remains of the pasta salad and some potato salad for dinner without incident. Nice being in the 3rd week of the chemo cycle. My admittedly subjective opinion is that the 3rd week is better this time than the last, and that one was better than the one before it. So I think I'm getting somewhat better.

Think I'm going to get the canoe out when we get home. It only weighs 18 lbs, so I'll be able to handle it. And part of the issue with it was the low freeboard, but that was when I weighed 100 lbs more than I do now, so that issue should be reduced too.

Tomorrow we head out for home, so the usual waning about not being able to post applies.

wet

Finally got the kayak wet, as you can see. Yeah, that's me in it. It works really well- nice and stable, splashes at the bow in a little chop stay outside. There was no chop in the picture; it's sheltered cove, but out on the open lake there was some. As I say, feels really stable. I never felt like it might tip or anything. Very manoeuvrable too; it'll pivot in place if you do the front paddle on one side and rear paddle on the other.

Another system I designed which works well. The car fits the kayak too. And of course the EF is now to the place where it works well too. In fact, everything works except what I have no control of, namely my health. Stupid gorilla sees to that! Bummer.

The doctor in the ER here yesterday thinks I have gout. He gave me a script for antibiotic for cellulitis, since it knocked it down the last few times. That'll get me back to PA to see the oncologist on Thursday. He also took a lot of blood which he will have analyzed and send the results to Dr W at Geisinger. He said it's either gout or cellulitis; the antibiotic is for the cellulitis and the blood work is to confirm or deny the gout, so we're covered either way. Nice people.

Today our niece W is coming for lunch, which should be fun since we haven't seen her since we lived in Michigan.


Tomorrow tropical storm Hanna is coming. They have a flash flood watch for tonight and tomorrow. Probably not going to be as much fun as seeing W again.

Glenburn

Picture above is from Oneonta when the kayak took one bed and we had the other. Fun, huh?

Now we're in Glenburn, Maine, which is actually part of the Bangor area, and home to the baby granddaughter, who is almost one. Wow! Seems like she was just born yesterday. Now she's crawling around the house. Very nice house, by the way. Everything is clean and neat without being nasty neat. Very comfortable.

Today I need to see a local doctor about the cellulitis in my toe which has come back. The resident MD suggests that would be in order. I called the Tele-Nurse at Geisinger and she told me to see an urgent care place or an ER. So the system is fed and I won't have to pay for it.

Then we'll put the 'yak in the water. Weather here is kinda cloudy, forecast high to be in the 70's so that should be OK.

That old gorilla is being kinda quiet. Not that I'm complaining, of course. This is the third week of the three week chemo cycle and when I'm at my best, which is why we're here now.

Windham

Here we are in Windham NH. Had a nice dinner last evening to celebrate the grandson's 23rd birthday. I had a margarita and fajitas, probably predictably. Travel yesterday was pretty uneventful. Most was on the Mass pike, then 495, both of which are very low on my list of favs to drive. Too much fast traffic, cutting in and out, etc. It's a pain to cope with.

We're off to Maine today to celebrate the granddaughter's first on Sunday. Kinda handy the birthdays came so close together.

The gorilla remains more of less quiet, I'm staying on the 20 mg oxy, and life goes on. Catch ya later!

Oneonta

We're in Oneonta, NY, about halfway between Binghampton and Albany. Motel is a dump, for $100. Only saving grace is they will accept the dog. There is a nice Italian restaurant across the street, with outside seating on the sidewalk. Dog was welcome there too, so all three of us went out to dinner. I had a killer lasagna which was just full of really good cheese. And there was red wine, too. They have to serve it in paper cups outside, so it came in Coke cups. Tastes fine anyway.

Trip yesterday was uneventful. This four hour travelling time is kinda nice and relaxed. WE stopped at the Starbucks near Scranton and had lunch- we brought lunch with, and just bought coffee and tea. Even the gorilla is being quiet, so far. I'm back on the 20 mg oxy with no discomfort. Hey, dummy, when it ain't broke, don't fix it!

north!

North it is today. I've been promised internet access all the way, so I should be able to post every day, but if I run into some sort of glitch and can't post y'all are not to panic.

Had some discomfort again at bedtime, so I've switched back to the 20 mg oxycontin. I did sleep better last night, so I'm wake for the trip today. Being awake while driving is a good thing.

Later, gotta go load the car!

insomnia

Insomnia is not fun. I notice that my daughter M had a case yesterday; last night was my turn. First I fell asleep again while watching Sunday night baseball on ESPN, They (Jon & Joe) really do a good job. Some week I'll have to stay awake and watch the whole show. Anyway, I fell asleep sort of in bed, propped up on a bunch of pillows. I woke up about 10:30, turned the TV off, brushed teeth etc, and went to bed. Pain. Severe discomfort in the gut. I tossed and turned for about 20 minutes, trying to find a comfortable position to no avail. Dr W told me I should take a oxycodone (5 mg) if I got a pain breakthrough, so I declared a breakthrough and took one. Went back to bed waited for things to ease. While waiting, I got to thinking about the kinetics of what was going on. I take a 10 mg time-release oxy every 12 hours. Rounding for clarity, that comes out to 1 mg per hour. So at the end of hour 1, I have 1 mg, 2 at the end of hour 2, etc until hour 5. Now I infer that the body metabolizes oxy in 5 hours. The directions for oxycodone say take every 4-6 hours. When I was taking it, before taking the time-release, the pain would wake me at night every 5 hours, more or less, to take more. So at the end of hour 6, 1 mg is gone and I have 5 in my system. As long as I take a 10 mg time-release every 12 hours, the concentration should stay at 5. When I take a 5 mg non time release, it doubles the concentration to 10, which is what I did.

So I'm thinking through this while waiting for the pain to subside. It does, no pain, I'm comfortable- but wide awake! All that thinking left the old brain spinning! (I also thought through the possible effect if the decrease follows first-order kinetics, as one would predict- no effect since first order implies the rate is inversely proportional to the concentration. Since the time release is keeping the concentration constant, the rate is constant too and does not effect the rest of the analysis.)

So I'm wide awake- and remain wide awake until 4 AM. Then I get up and watch CNN and compute some stuff for an hour or so, then go back to bed. I do finally get some sleep; the dog lets me sleep until 8. But I'm a little rocky right now. I foresee a nap later.

OK- query for the group- is it possible that the lack of sleep was caused by the extra oxy? Was I high on the oxy? Can it act as a stimulant under those conditions? There is nothing in the data sheets about that, and it never happened to me before when I took one at bedtime. I know this drug is the drug of choice for abuse, but I don't know what they get out of it.

withdrawal

I have it on good authority (see the comment to yesterday's blog) that I probably am in withdrawal. So in addition to wrestling with the 800 lb gorilla, I've got a monkey on my back! Hey, enough already with the simian metaphors! Actually, it's not so bad today so I'll probably hang tough and ride it out.

Withdrawal always makes me think of the movie "The Man With the Golden Arm" that my cousin D and I went to see at a rather young age. It's about a guy hooked on heroin, starring Frank Sinatra as the addict who was also a drummer and a poker player. Frank wasn't a bad actor when he put his mind to it. That was a very scary movie for a couple of young guys. I don't know how old we were, but I was driving so I suppose 20 or so.

Sunny today in the EF. When the dog and I went down for the paper at about 7:30, the sun was in the treetops, just coming over the mountain. Birds singing, sun in the treetops- really nice. I think I'll cut the grass today, later after it dries out.

I see a photo of me made daughter M's blog. Click on Bootstrap Productions in the blog list on the right. That's me under the quilt she made for me! I'm cold all the time, since the gorilla made it's appearance, so the quilt really works well.

fog

It's a foggy day in the EF today. Very quiet due to fog, of course. Can't even hear the rooster across the street. Maybe he didn't get up yet since the light is so dim. I don't think the Marks are out yet either; no hammering or anything. Foggy is kinda spooky, ya know?

I see they are evacuating N.O. Seems a little early to me, but what do I know? I think they are overreacting to the snafu with Katrina. Like the military, they are fighting this battle with the weapons from the last war. Good luck to them. It occurs to me once again that the Northeast is just about the perfect place to live weather wise. We're out of the tornado alley in the mid west, out of the hurricanes in the tropics, out of the really heavy snow area, out of the really hot weather areas, and we get the seasons changing. Why would anyone want to live anywhere else?

I'm having thoughts that maybe I'm getting withdrawal symptoms from the stopping the higher level of Oxycontin. Dr D told me that 40 mg/day would result in mild addiction, but Dr W kind of disagreed. I'm feeling kinda sickish and out of sorts. The pain is OK so I'll continue on the 10 mg twice a day. If it is withdrawal, it should gradually subside. The data sheet from the drug store is silent on withdrawal. I'll do a Google search and see what I can find.

wetter

Remember the saying about being careful for what you wish for, because you may get it? It's been raining for 24 hours now. The grass is mostly green and perky, the garden is saying "thank you, thank you!" This morning I had fresh tomato, fresh green pepper, and fresh Jalapeno, all from the garden, in my gross eggs. Outstanding! There was hardly room for the eggs!

I reduced my pain pills from 20 mg to 10 again. Dr W said to try it and go back if needed. I do feel pretty good now, a week after the iv chemo and a day after the last of the oral chemo. I've got very little discomfort- only a twinge in the left lung now and then. Pain pills (Oxycontin) are a strong narcotic and I don't want to take any more of that than needed.

Gustav is really looking bad for New Orleans. Of course, things could change, but the prediction right now is aiming right at N.O.

I downloaded IE8 beta yesterday. Pretty nice, better colors, faster loading of web pages. It did crash once, but you expect that with a beta. The Google toolbar won't work yet- not yet compatible.

I did watch Obama's speech last night. It was an OK political speech, kinda thin on specifics, as they tend to be. The only specific I caught is to eliminate our dependence on mid-east oil in 10 years. Nothing on global warming- hey, Barack, talk to Al Gore!

The word on CNN this morning is that McCain will pick Sarah Pallin, the governor of Alaska, to be the VP nominee. She seems to be a real conservative; right to life, strong 2nd Amendment supporter, etc. She likes hunting and fishing; maybe she won't shoot a member of her hunting party, like Cheney did. One trusts she understands economics and can run a computer. The real thing she brings is executive experience in running a state. And lots of symbolism in being a woman, especially as Barack didn't pick Hillary. Of course, Sarah doesn't come with Bill, a real advantage. That would be two westerners on the ticket, not much balance if that means anything. We'll see what develops.

wet

We finally got some wet. Seems to have rained last night, although neither of us heard it. We really need rain; the garden is yelling for water and the grass is going dormant like it does. On the other hand, hurricane Gustav is moving into the Gulf on a direct line for New Orleans. Bummer. That city may be approaching not being viable any longer.

Went to Montoursville yesterday to get a cockpit cover for the 'yak. The 'yak was still on top of the Outback, so we could be sure the cover would fit. It does. We took the 'yak down and put it in the garage, so that system is ready to go for the Northern Expedition.

We also stopped at Johnson's for lunch and I had one of their outstanding Reuben sandwiches. This led to some minor gastric distress. Dinner was another giant cheeseburger w/o bun, tomatoes and feta, and margaritas. I've taken to putting a drop of green food color in the margaritas; doesn't change the taste, but looks nice.

I think today will be an inside day, since it looks more rain coming and I have a lot of indoor stuff to do- filing and the like. Plus I can use the rest.

pain

Pain is not good. I spent a good deal of yesterday adjusting the 'yak rack on the Outback. It works! It needed a lot of adjusting, which involved a lot of lifting and pushing and pulling, all of which aggravated the pain, especially in the left lung area. So I skipped dinner, sort of- just had some cheese, tomatoes, and sliced turkey- and went to bed early. Then I took an extra oxy pain pill. I do feel pretty good this morning.

I suppose I wouldn't have any pain if I sat in a corner and didn't do anything., but that is not me. This is the life I have and I'm going to live it.

I've been putting a fresh tomato (from the garden) in my gross eggs. Outstanding! And I can eat them with Feta cheese too. Of course, this means there are not too many. Last year they made me sick, and we had a bumper crop. I suppose this is another example of the Law of the Innate Perversity of Inanimate Objects, the same Law which says that if you drop jelly bread it always lands face down.

sleep

Sleep is good. I seem to be caught up, after a nap yesterday and a good night's sleep. Ahh! Feels great!

I invented a cheeseburger sort of thing last night for dinner. Took a lb of ground beef, formed into 2 patties, large patties. Sprinkled some Worcestershire on and grilled while simultaneously and at the same time sauteing half an onion in olive oil. When I turned the patties, I put a slice of Provolone on each. By the time they were done, the cheese was nicely melted, as in a cheeseburger. Put them on a plate and smothered them in sauteed onions. Excellent! Also had a large beer mug size margarita with them. Digested very well; no gastric distress. Note to self: No grains! Coincidentally, or maybe not, daughter M can't eat any wheat. Hmm.

I watched the Dem convention last night, which reinforced what I have always disliked about them. Their heroes: Ted Kennedy, who left Mary Jo to die. John Kennedy, who was carrying on with a mob prostitute in the White House. And got us into the Viet Nam war, a fact his daughter forgot to mention when she claimed him to be a man of peace. Jimmy Carter, who meant well but was totally ineffectual. Bill Clinton, with Whitewater and Monica and all, but at least was able to get things done. And Hillary, who was only able to run for the nomination because she was married to Bill and was defeated because she still is married to Bill. Barack is the best of the lot. Of course, none of them sink to the depths of W, which must stand for WORST! Sorry- rant over.

Yesterday I called the motel where we'll be staying on the way to the Northern Front. Guy is very helpful, said a 12.5 feet long 'yak will just about fit into a room. He has us down for a ground floor room. He also offered to put it in a storage area if necessary. So that system is "go". Now the issue is if we can handle it. Thing only weighs 40 lbs, same as a bag of dog food, but neither of us is as strong as we used to be. We'll use the Outback, so it won't need to be lifted very high. Back when I bought it, before the encounter with the 800 lb gorilla, I could put it up on and take it down from the Pilot by myself. Damn gorilla.

awake

Boy, am I awake! I fell asleep watching Sunday Night Baseball with Joe and Jon (Phillies vs. Dodgers), then woke up at about 9:30, took my meds, brushed teeth, etc, turned off the TV, and lay in bed wide awake. I spent most of the night awake, with several short sleep periods. I suspect this is due to the chemo wearing off; kinda a rebound effect. I had a little discomfort in the area of my left lung, so took an Oxycodone at about 3. Discomfort went away, so I was wide awake and comfortable. Quiet night, cloudy and warm. Finally rained at about 4 or 5. I suspect I'll crash soon and have to take a sleeping day. Whatever.

We're working on a plan to take the kayak on our expedition to the Northern Front. Major issue is that I don't want to leave it on the car overnight. Yes, it has a lock and cable, but several snips with a bolt cutter and one would have a several thousand dollar 'yak. We can't drive non-stop, due to medical issues with both of us, so we have to stop in a motel on the way for at least one night. The second night we'll be with E et al in NH. S said we could leave the 'yak there on the Northern Front if we want to, so the return trip would not have any issues. But I need to work on that one night.

better

Today I'm better than I was yesterday, but still not well. Not as well as I get, anyway. I just feel crappy- nothing very specific. I had some uncomfortableness in my chest, so I'm back on 20 mg oxycontin again. Maybe I'll try 10 again after I get by this period of crappy feeling from the IV chemo.

So I got up this morning, and walked my faithful dog down to get the paper. Mom made breakfast again, back to gross eggs. Tasted good, too. Then I went back to bed. Didn't sleep- just lay there feeling crappy. I just got up and zapped my tea from breakfast and am drinking it with GORP for lunch. Weight was 155 Friday; back down to 150 today. I can see why Dr W said some people just can't cope with the chemo- it's really tiresome. But: STABLE. So I'll put up with it for a while longer.

sick

So, yesterday I ate only low carb. GORP for lunch, then left over shrimp and tomatoes, then later grilled pork chops. I felt full. That was OK, but then nothng ever moved. I was waking up every hour or so still feeling full. Finally did move my bowels, which helped a lot. This AM I felt sick, so I didn't even get up. Finally had two hard boiled eggs at 10:30 or so, followed by my oral chemo. Now it's 1:00 and I'm starting to feel a little human. I think the whole thing is still side effects from the IV chemo I had Thursday. You may remember Dr B the DIL said that the side effects can be cumulative, so each time I get a treatment the effects are worse. Sure seems that way!

I watched the US women's soccer win for the gold. Awesome!

Joe Biden? Kinda makes sense when you think about it. Now McCain needs a guy with a good background in economics.

low-carb

Another thing we discussed with Dr W was the fact that I can't seem to digest carbs. Diarrhea every time. Protein, and any kind of meat, digests nicely. Some of you may remember Dr S at Penn told me to stick to a junk diet. Dr W essentially told me, like the old joke, "if it hurts when you do that, don't do that". So now we're getting serious about low carb, just like when I was on the Atkins diet.

Hmm. I'm watching the women's modern pentathlon, and they're doing the Epee! Funny way though, only one touch and only one minute. Epee was my weapon.

I'm still in the midst of the hangover from the chemo yesterday. This too shall pass.

fusion

Wednesday AM was the cold fusion seminar. There is a bunch of guys out there who are true believers. They are reporting results, publishing, etc. In short, doing science regarding cold fusion. It's called Low Energy Nuclear Reactions now, LENR. Here's a web site for one of the hotbeds.:

http://newenergytimes.com/index.htm

Interesting guys; they really believe. In fact, there is a little of the persecuted true believer air hanging around them. Is LENR the answer to everything? They think so. My take home message? Could be! Think I'll try to do literature searching. I have an STN Easy account, so I can actually see papers.

After that, the drive home was kinda anti-climatic. I was kinda wiped out, though. After a margarita in a beer mug, which works well at home too, and steak for dinner, to bed early.

Today we had to get up at the crack of dawn, which comes right after O-dark-30, to get to Geisinger by 8:00 AM. Then the usual blood work, weight (157!!) and meet with Dr W who said I am stable, which I wrote about earlier. He put me on 10 mg, half the strength, Oxycontin too, since I was having no pain at all. I can always go back to 20 if needed. Meds are good when you need them, but I'm not sure I need this one right now.

Now I'm sick with the usual post chemo blues. It passes in a few days.

Stable

Stable- that's what I am vis-a-vis the 800 lb gorilla. Dr White says the CART scan showed the pulmonary nodules are stable, as in not growing. Weight is up, the CA 19-9 marker is up a very little. Pain is down, energy is up, appetite is good. All good things. He says that is we stop the chemo he would expect tumors to start growing again, although sometimes they don't. I guess this means that the first round of our wrestling match is a draw.

I actually feel better, subjectively, than all the above indicates. What that means is really not known, but I'll take it.

Want to get this posted before someone out there busts a gut. More later.

tomorrow

I think I'm going to pack up whatever I can tonight. That will include the laptop. So this will be my last post from here. Tomorrow AM there is a symposium on cold fusion, which IMHO is our best hope for the future of civilization on this planet. So I'll catch that and then grab my bags and leave. Check out time is 12 so I should have time, but not a lot. BTW, check in is 4 so they were not really being unreasonable in not having a room ready at 3:15. The hotel was sold out that night, my buddy the shoe-shine guy told me.

I found a sports bar on the first floor of the convention center, along with the Reading Terminal Market. So I think I'll go there for a cheese steak for dinner, with maybe a beer to wash it down.

You should consider this to be tomorrow's blog; there will not be another until Thursday.

Philly

Yesterday afternoon I walked over to Williams-Sonoma. They didn't have any 2-prong skewers either, but the nice guy found some in another store which he will ship to the EF. So a successful quest.

Again, very noticeable how helpful and nice the big city service people are.

On to the Expo, which doesn't seem very different from what it was 40 years ago. The technology has improved and all that, but the same people are selling the some sorts of things.

I went back to Chili's for dinner; this time it was shrimp and chicken fajitas with the obligatory margarita. Again, excellent, and again, excellent service.

This AM I had the breakfast buffet, which consisted of scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage. This was a successful attempt to avoid the mid-morning gastric distress I encountered yesterday. Once again I demonstrated that protein digests well, but carbohydrate leads to gastric distress. I feel kinda like I'm back on the Adkins diet.

fajita

Had some really excellent fajita for dinner last night at Chili's. Also a fine margarita which tasted a lot like the last ones we made.

But first- arrived in Philly at abut 3:15 after an uneventful trip from the EF. I had 2 hot dogs with mustard, relish, onion, and saurkraut at the Hickory Run service area, familiar to some of you. When I got here they said my room wasn't ready yet. They did check my bags while I waited. There is a Starbucks on site, so I had a nice cup of tea while checking out the area. I got back to the registration area- still not ready. This is about ten after four. I use the men's room- a guy, kinda young, is at the sink with his shirt off, and he gives me a song and dance about being an E3 in the Army and his dad being in an accident and can I give him a few bucks so he go to see him. I say "no" and leave. there is a second registration desk, just in front of the couches where I'm hanging out, for Elite registration, so I go there and tell the guy that there a dude panhandeling in the men's room. he calls Security and that's that. Guy is very thankful for my effort. At 4:30, I decide I'm going to the desk again, and if there is still not a room, will ask to see the manager. On the way I say "hi" to my new best friend, and kinda of jokingly, but serious too, ask him if there is anything he can do to get me aroom. Two minutes later I have a key to one of the Elite rooms and am on my way. Elite status is for people who stay a lot- sorta like frequent sleepers. Really nice room. I don't know, or care, if it's much different than the regular rooms. So I get all my clothes unpacked and hung and all.

I went to Chili's for dinner and had a margarita on the rocks to start. They serve them in a large beer mug, and it tastes a lot like our last effort at home- lots of juice, not a lot of alcohol, and lots of ice. Fajita is excellent. I comes out of the kitchen trailing a cloud of smoke, always a good sign in a fajita. Meat is excellent, veggies too, tortillas are nicely warm in their own little covered container. All in all, very well done all around. Living out in the boonies like we do, we tend to forget how well big city resturants do things and how good their wait-staff is.

So back to the room, put on Sunday night baseball. At 9 I realize I not only don't know the score, I don't even know who is playing. I do know Jon and Joe are doing the game. So I shut off the TV and go back to sleep.

This morning was uneventful- had an omelet, then on to Grubbs paper. it was a mob scene, no chance to get to talk to him without being a large PIA. For those who may not be aware, Bob Grubbs was Elizabeth's thesis adviser; he go the Nobel in'02. Then on to a paper on global warming which was quite interesting. Now I'm worn out, and just in time too since I have nothing on the agenda for this afernoon.

IN a few hours, I'm off to Philly. I'll be at the Marriott Downtown http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/phldt-philadelphia-marriott-downtown/ until Wednesday. I've made all the arrangments I can to have internet acess in the hotel, but you know how hotels are. If y9ou don't hear from me it simply means I can't get access. ACS made arrangments for all atendees to have free access from our rooms, so we'll see how that works.

Weight is still the same, right close to 150.

We tried another margarita recipe last evening:
tequila 1/4 cup, Cointreau 1/8 cup (=2 tblsp), lime juice 1/2 cup, orange juice 1/2 cup. That's a ratio of 1:1/2:2:2, with about 20% tequila, and makes a very nice refreshing drinkable drink on the rocks.

Gotta go- catch ya later!

CAT

CAT scan happened. We arrived at the hospital at 2, on time. Had my first drink at 2:15. Nice lady offered to use the port in my chest instead of sticking me in the arm. I agreed- easy call- then went upstairs to the Oncology clinic to have them access the port. That means they insert a needle through the port and flush it with heparin. Then they can hook up a line from anywhere. In the mean time, the access thing just hangs out under my shirt on my chest. While there, I also started the process to get my script for Oxycontin. Since that's a controlled substance, that has to be done hands-on; no phone renewals.

Second drink was at 2:45. The drinks are a contrast dye which ends up in the system somewhere so they can see contrasts. Got the script at 3:10 or so, so I went to the pharmacy to get it filled. The last time we had one filled at CVS they told us they no longer carried generic and suggested we get it somewhere else. There being a line, I went back to the CAT scan area and gave Mom the script while I went in for the third drink and the scan. Scan went very easily with the port instead of the stick on the arm. They never were able to do that in the past, but have modified the system so it works. They use that to inject another contrast dye into the blood stream. By the time I finished the scan, Mom had the script filled. They told her the manufacturer no longer offers generic. What's with that? I'll bet it has something to do with Oxycontin being the street drug of choice.

So we went to Perkins for a very late lunch. I had to fast for the scan, so I was really hungry. The contrast drinks helped with thirst issues. Then home, where a certain amount of gastric distress was encountered. That cleared up, mostly, by bedtime.

Did you see the latest Bigfoot thing? I never got a real good look, but Piltdown Man comes to mind.

I saw the USA-Canada women's soccer match the other day. Good match. US won. Brandi Chastain did the commentary; you'll be interested to know she kept her shirt on. I still think soccer would be a better game to watch if they were able to hang on to the ball. The way it is I get the impression that luck plays too big a role.

I watched some of the boxing. Same old, same old. The judging is really subjective. They count hits with the front of the glove on the head or body, and there is some complex way that more than one judge has to score it for the hit to count. They are going to get kicked out of the Olympics if they don't come up with a scoring system which everyone accepts as fair. The rules are made by the governing body for the sport, as they are for all the other sports as well.

Today I've got to finalize the packing. I discovered yesterday that a lot of my polo shirts are too big to be comfortable. When I was working, we changed our dress code to business casual; basically the rule was we needed collar on the shirt. So I discovered polo shirts were as comfortable as T shirts with a collar. So I've got a lot of them. I was planning on wearing polo shirts in the evening for dinner and the like. Not a big deal; I could always just take the tie off and wear the dress shirt.