wheels

What an invention! I've got a wheelchair, and can wheel into my office and blog and stuff. Hand-eye coordination is still poor though. Still, nice to have it back.

Feeling pretty crappy; not much pain, but a fair amount of discomfort which would probably be pain if it wasn't for the meds.

dehydration

I'm feeling a little dehydrated today, most likely due to them taking the IV thing out. So I feel a little crappy today. And I have no energy or anything else. I still sit and pant like after running a 10K after walking the few feet to the bathroom. So I'm still not able to get to my desk.

Visiting nurse is due- catch you later.

sick

Well, he's back! I'm really not sure what is gong on, but it seems that the chemo did not work and probably did bad. It seems to have killed off a lot of the bacteria in my gut. Actually maybe not- could have been the other antibiotics I had. One guy thinks it was the stuff I took for the infected toe. Whatever the proximate cause, the effect was to decrease the populations of everything except this particular strain which then infected my colin thereby colitis. This then caused the increase in fluid in the intestinal tract, which killed my appetite ( no place for the food to go), etc. etc.

Anyway, I'm home again, and starting to feel better. Daughter E and SIL G were here for the festivities. My SIL is a big strong guy; very comforting in someone helping you upstairs.

Rattlesnakes

Note to the northern front- the northern range of the Eastern Timber rattler is in PA, home of the largest rattlers in the world.

Well, I'm back. I really needed a day off from the blog. It was really getting oppressive. I hear rumours about people being upset. Do you have any idea how depressing it is to send out a blog and get no response whatsoever? So I'll still Blog, but on my schedule and without the compulsion. I know I set it up that way.

We're experimenting with the different drugs, pain-killers as well as digestion meds, in different concentrations, and seem to be making some progress. IN the mean time, I'm still flaky from the pain pills, so much so that I can't trust myself to drive. Nor to write a coherent blog without a lot of effort!

fighting

Still fighting, albeit a little late. Hey, I'm going to have to declare force majure here with the timing. I know some of you look forward to getting this to assure yourseves I'm sill alive, and I know I said by noon would do it, but it's getting increaseingly difficult to do. So there may be times when I don't get it out by noon or even 4. I'm sure you can deal.

Definition of Force Majure:

http://www.google.com/search?q=force+majure&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7GGLD_en

Anyway, I had a nice conversation with my doctor, the result of which is that I take 20 mg of the time release drug every 12 hour, and use the non- time release for pain breakthroughs, which I haven't needed yet, but it's only been a few days. More info as available.

Another boring day. I don't know if that's good or not- just a fact, jack.

Leaves are falling big-time. They are so big and heavy, being wet, that you can hear them hitting the ground.

effects

My side effects seem to getting side effects. I'm taking the Drug to decrease pain and allow me to live in some reasonably facsimile of normal. But this leads to hallucinations, so I can't do much. Even I get saturated with TV once in a while. So I spend a lot of time in bed, sometimes napping, sometimes watching TV or reading, which has now lead to leg cramps. Fun, fun. The eternal quandary is, of course, do I take pain pills for the cramps, which hurt all right? I think not. I think I'll just try to spend less of the day in bed

The diarrhea issue stays with me too. The drug has moved me along the continuum from diarrhea to constipation, to the point where I now get constipation just by skipping the fibre and eating nothing but meat, a diet which worked really well a month go.

O well, keep fighting, I guess

stable

Low level stability, anyway. That's good, I think. I'm having some difficulty keeping up with what is going on around me right now, due to the drugs I don't doubt. I'm hanging in with 40 mg of the narcotic every 12 hours.

Yesterday was OK, mostly, except for being kinda spacey. I count that is being OK, or at least as OK as I can expect to get.

Do you notice there seem to be a lot of qualifications? Lot's of "expect to get" kind of expressions. Life is messy.

The inside of my head is messy today too. I'm finding it difficult to focus again. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Later!

I'm tuning my system- the system being the gorilla and the drugs and the diet and the rest of my life. The problem, of course, is there are too many uncontrolled variables. So when y0u change one (which is what we people do) some others change too, in uncontrolled fashion. To recap: Two nights ago I went up to 40 mg of the drug, from 20, and had a very positive result. So, not to take more than I need, I went back to 30 yesterday morning and evening. Things were OK- not great, but OK, until 4AM, aka O-dark-30, when I woke up with pain in the gut. So I got up and took a 5 mg not time release cap. (The 10 and 20mg sizes are time release over 12 hours.) The drug stays in my system for about 4-5 hours. I slept the rest of the night OK, except for being too warm, but not awake enough to take the blanket off. So I'm going to stick with 30 for another 12 hour cycle- in Science we call this a replicate which is a fancy word for repeat. Seems like I do this tuning thing a lot! Part of the problem is the gorilla changes in unpredictable ways.

In the midst of all this, I'm trying to set up a circulation fan in our family room. Heat is all against on wall, the short wall at that. There's not enough clearance for a ceiling mounted fan, so I'm trying to mount a small fan on top of the bookcase. Now this is really not a difficult problem, but I want it to run off the light switch. The outlets in that room are not switched, although they are in every other room in the house. The ceiling is the drop type, with fluorescent lights mounted above the ceiling and clear 2x4 tiles under them. So I'm trying to tie into that line with an outlet box, into which I can plug the fan. Should be doable. I'm kind of chipping at it- do a little each day to avoid exhaustion.

drugs

Drugs work. What a concept- things that actually do some good!

As you know, I've been fighting pain for the last week, since the last chemo treatment. Last night , at the usual 8:30 dose, it suddenly occurred to me I might be overthinking the whole thing. I get pain, my doctor gave me meds for pain, but I'm trying to attack the cause by fiddling with my diet. So I just simplemindedly said to myself, "you have pain, take meds", and took a double dose. Did it work! I felt a lot better, not just less pain, although it went away nicely, but felt better all over. I was even a bit "high" from the narcotic. But I was able to relax watching the ball game in the evening, and sleep through the night, except for getting up to take off blankets again when I was too warm at midnight. For those interested in dosage, I was taking 20mg, went to 40 last night, back to 30 this morning. I've got 10 mg caps as well as the 20, so a 20 and a 10 is 30.

This morning I still feel fine, no gas pains, no cramps. Amazing drugs!

I understand this drug, whose name I will not mention, is the street drug of choice. Just last week a house in Logenton was broken into just to steal the drug. We're on enhanced security alert- just keeping on eye on people in the area. Since there are so few, and most of them Amish, it's pretty easy.

cramps

Kinda a boring day. Not that's that all bad, considering the alternatives. Had a steak for dinner, most of which tasted real good and went down well. However, it led to world-class indigestion. I had gas cramps, got up from watching the baseball game and had a BM. An hour later, same thing again. By this time it was bed time. I was missing all the good parts of the ball game, being in the bathroom. So I shut it off and went to bed. About midnight I turned over and got the cramps again. I lay still and they went away, so I went to sleep, but remembered all night not to move. By morning I had leg cramps from not moving. I was really kinda afraid to move, but eventually I did and surprise, no cramps. So I had tea and toast, very gingerly, but no negative effects. I don't know what this means either, so don't ask.

You've all heard "Life is a journey, not a destination." right? Very apt, I always thought. Anyway, I've got a new one for you: "Life is an open book test." which is kinda fun. Quite apt too, I think. In this family we obviously believe it- keep reference works handy at all times.

metabalism

Life goes on, sort of. Yesterday was another very lethargic day. I spent a lot of it in bed. I find I tend to go into sick bed mode at ttimes like this. I don't worry about when I'm awake or asleep. If I feel like sleeping, I sleep. If not, not. Anything wakes me up, I wake up, but it doesn't bother me. I can always go back to sleep. I figure I have a certain number of hours laying there doing nothing, so it doesn't matter what time of day or night I do it.

Metabalism seemed out of control again yesterday. In the afternoon, I was very cold. I had the electric mattress pad on, several blankets, and two swetshirts. Later, the pad was off and I was down to one sweatshirt. In the middle of the night, I woke up hot and sweaty. I had no sweatshirts on and had to take a blanket off. This AM I'm kinda normal- chilly, but OK with two sweatshirts. I don't understand why it varies so much over the relativly short time of a day.

Pretty good baaseball games. The Phillies are conning me into rooting for them! I just can't get excited about either of the AL teams.

quiet

All quiet on the Western Front. I'm sleepy today, probably still an effect of the chemo. What a drag.

I managed to stay awake through the baseball game last night, and then slept very well. Very little discomfort in the gut today too, always a good sign. Actually, I feel like a nap, so I guess I'll go take one.

Later!

Maggie

I just talked to Maggie- she wants y'all to know she's fine, happy, cheerful and living in a great house in the Maine woods. The breathing thing is great- no difficulties whatever. She's getting a DSL line, but not until the 21st, so no internet. She's trying to find the local library, where there is usually access. She can go to her brother's house too.

Any way, bottom line is she's doing fine!

better

I'm better today, but not back all the way yet. It's a week since the chemo, and, as I said, the worst week yet. I spent most of yesterday in bed, with the predictable result that I had trouble sleeping last night. So what, I'm sure I got enough sleep during the day.

Economy: My take is as follows, and keep in mind that I did study economics in the MBA program. A loan company borrows (say) 100K. Balance sheet now shows an asset for 100K cash and a liability for accounts payable of 100K. Company now loans out the 100K as a mortgage. Now the balance shows an asset for 100K mortgage and the liability for 100K stays the same. Now the value of the asset drops since it was overpriced in the first place. Say it drops to 75K. Now the balance sheet shows an asset of 75K and a liability for 100K. Liabilities exceed assets- bankrupt! Now the government comes in and guarantees the 100K- theoretically, the company is solvent again. I think that's the theory anyway, but it doesn't seem to be working real well, although the Dow is up 82 right now, 10 minutes after the opening.

Politics: boring! CNN is discussing the possibility of an Obama landslide. The trends are certainly that way. He's sounding more presidential every day, and McCain less.

Baseball: Second round starts tonight. I guess I'll root for the Dodgers (because of Joe Torre) and the Red Sox because I'm familiar with them.

Basketball: Starting! Saw the first pre-season Knicks game last night. They look good- new coach, new system. They're playing run 'n gun which is a fun game to watch. Clyde is still doing commentary, a very good thing.

lethargy

Don't know what's going on, exactly, but this gorilla is messing with me. Or maybe it's the chemo side effects. You do remember I'm cold all the time, right? Well, yesterday afternoon witting here at my 'puter I get real hot- break out in a sweat! I have to take off a sweatshirt (I had 2 on ) and open the door to ventilate. Then last night, sleeping away, I woke up hot and sweating again. I ventilated and went back to sleep. Then later I woke up cold. This morning I was really cold again. What's with that? It's like my metabolism gets out of control every once in a while.



This AM we went into Mill Hall for haircuts, an exercise which exhausted me. I just have no energy at all- all I want to do is lie in bed. Not good. I went back three weeks ago and read the blog I wrote then- I said it was the worst side effects. OK, we've now set a new PR! I really could have done without it.

frost

OK, it's officially winter. We had a frost last night, or probably early this morning. It was 31 at 7, definitely cold. I and my cold sensitivity are staying in. The side effects are continuing, but diminishing every day, as one would hope. As I've mentioned before, the side effects are more severe each time I get a chemo treatment. What a drag.

Last night I had some discomfort, just a little. I thought about taking an extra oxy, but didn't, thinking if it kept me awake I'd take one then. Wrong. I would get a little shot of pain, enough to wake me, change position and get back to sleep, then repeat. I never woke up enough to get up and take a pill. Made for a long, and not very restful, night.

Maggie is in her house in Maine, but it will be a while before she gets Internet access. She's talking abut a DSL line for TV and Internet. After she gets settled in, we'll go up for a visit. She called this morning and sounded quite cheerful. Being able to breath will do that.

blues

For those of you following Bootstrap Maggie, she made it here last evening and has now taken over her own blogging again. We fed her steak, wine, and orange cake. She seemed to need the food and rest.

I'm coming out of the post chemo blues, very slowly, but there is movement. I continue to have issues with the cold, although everybody else thinks it's not cold. This too is normal. Seems to me each chemo the side effects are worse, although between chemos I seem to be better. I'm trying to compare equivalent positions in the cycle, which isn't easy. But that's my subjective take on the situation.

Baseball is not as interesting as it was, with the Cubs out of it. I did watch most of the Red Sox- Rays game last evening- 4-4 at the end of the 8th- but it's not holding my interest the way it was when the Cubs were still in it. Who to root for- NOT the Red Sox, maybe the White Sox?

Politics seems to be going on as usual. Saw a clip of Palin speaking in Florida. She did well, good speaker, told a joke on herself re Tina Fay and SNL, took a few shots at their opponents. I still think she was a disastrous choice for McCain since she is a right wing lug nut. You'd think they could manufacture a reason for her to step aside and allow McCain to get one of his buddies in that slot, but they probably won't. And that's the problem.

today

Maggie was in Indiana last evening, trying to get into Ohio before stopping. In any case, she'll be here today, or maybe tonight. Trip continues to go well. Sure be nice to see her again! (BTW, "here" is central PA.)

I'm not well, but better. This chemo is bad news, but it's keeping that gorilla from doing me in, so I guess that's a good thing. This is for sure the worst post chemo I've had. It may be due to the enzyme I restarted. I looked at the data sheet yesterday, the enzyme reaction follows the same pathway as a typical lab hydrolysis- splits the triglyceride to fatty acid and glycerol. Why glycerol or fatty acid gave me the symptoms I have is beyond me. Right now I have no gastric distress at all. I just feel lethargic and sick all the time. I'm slowly adding foods back into the diet. Yesterday I had eggs for breakfast and grilled chicken for dinner. I'm being very careful with fat and oil, since I suspect that caused the problem with the enzyme. Life goes on.

Cubs finished their collapse. They really looked lame- bad pitching, lots of errors, no hitting. Looks to me like they were pressing instead of relaxing and playing baseball. They certainly didn't look like the team with the best record in the league. They haven't won a post season game since the infamous Steve Bartman- Moses Alou incident in Wrigley.

SOON

Maggie was in the vicinity of Tulsa last evening. She was tryng to make Joplin before stopping. She was happy and cheerful; it's going well.

I am coming out of the colic. Now I have to start eating again. I'm also in the post-chemo sicky feeling, where nothing feels good.

colic

The gorilla won a battle last night. I spent the night with a world-class case of colic. I had severe gas from both ends at once. On one end, it felt like I was going to barf, but only lots of gas. On the other end the same sort of thing- felt like I was going to poop, but only lots of gas. This all made for lots of quick trips to the bathroom. Lots of fartin' and burpin'!

I think it was caused by the enzyme I started taking again. It's breaking down the fats and then they have to digest, which is something my bod is not used to doing. I had some beef patties for dinner, there's lots of fat in those. I feel a little better this morning, but kind of wiped out from being up most of the night. I've got to run down to Danville again to get the post-chemo shot too.

The cold sensitivity is worse than it's ever been. Even drinking a little water to wash down meds hurts my lips. Same with the pain in my jaw joints- wore it's ever been. These are side effects I've had before, but they are getting worse. One of the doctors told me the side effects are cumulative. I guess I agree.

Maggie

Maggie called at about 7:15 (EST) and was in the vicinity of Tucumcari NM. She sounds fine and says everything is OK.

I, on the other hand, am suffering from early and severe side effects from the chemo. Ugh.

chemo

Just got back from Geisinger Medical Center. J the PA says I'm fine, continue to be stable. After the next cycle of chemo they will want to do another CT scan.

My stool is very greasy (you don't want to know how I determined this) so I'm back on the enzyme Dr S prescribed back in early Spring.

She doesn't know what to do about diarrhea. She suggested I try Imodium. Part of the problem is the best anti-diarrhea is the oxy I'm already taking, and it's not doing much good that I can see.

Basically status vis a vis the 800 lb gorilla remains quo. Not bad, considering the alternatives.

Flagstaff

Maggie told her sister she was planning on stopping in Flagstaff overnight. I talked to her at about 6:30 EST and she was in Kingman at that time. She said it's all going well, except for the heat. No AC in that Jeep.

I'm off for my every 3 week chemo treatment in a few minutes. This includes a consultation with the medical people. I'll blog again later today, if I have a chance, and pass on what they tell me.

Later!

road

For those of you who are interested in Maggie's progress, she was planning on leaving LA at sunset yesterday, after the heat of the day. I don't know when she stopped for the night either. So I presume she's out of LA somewhere to the east.

All quiet here in the EF. Cloudy, a little chilly, rain last night but nothing now. Tomorrow is my next chemo treatment, which is a real drag. Beats the alternative, I guess. But my quality of life is not ideal. I need to go in to town today to get goodies for Maggie's arrival, whenever that may be. The plan is steak and cake, with margaritas on the side. Slay the fatted calf- the prodigal returns!

I did walk a mile and a quarter yesterday, and had a few leg cramps last night, so I guess that's enough for a while. I'll do 1.25 until I'm comfortable doing it, then escalate.