stable

Low level stability, anyway. That's good, I think. I'm having some difficulty keeping up with what is going on around me right now, due to the drugs I don't doubt. I'm hanging in with 40 mg of the narcotic every 12 hours.

Yesterday was OK, mostly, except for being kinda spacey. I count that is being OK, or at least as OK as I can expect to get.

Do you notice there seem to be a lot of qualifications? Lot's of "expect to get" kind of expressions. Life is messy.

The inside of my head is messy today too. I'm finding it difficult to focus again. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Later!

I'm tuning my system- the system being the gorilla and the drugs and the diet and the rest of my life. The problem, of course, is there are too many uncontrolled variables. So when y0u change one (which is what we people do) some others change too, in uncontrolled fashion. To recap: Two nights ago I went up to 40 mg of the drug, from 20, and had a very positive result. So, not to take more than I need, I went back to 30 yesterday morning and evening. Things were OK- not great, but OK, until 4AM, aka O-dark-30, when I woke up with pain in the gut. So I got up and took a 5 mg not time release cap. (The 10 and 20mg sizes are time release over 12 hours.) The drug stays in my system for about 4-5 hours. I slept the rest of the night OK, except for being too warm, but not awake enough to take the blanket off. So I'm going to stick with 30 for another 12 hour cycle- in Science we call this a replicate which is a fancy word for repeat. Seems like I do this tuning thing a lot! Part of the problem is the gorilla changes in unpredictable ways.

In the midst of all this, I'm trying to set up a circulation fan in our family room. Heat is all against on wall, the short wall at that. There's not enough clearance for a ceiling mounted fan, so I'm trying to mount a small fan on top of the bookcase. Now this is really not a difficult problem, but I want it to run off the light switch. The outlets in that room are not switched, although they are in every other room in the house. The ceiling is the drop type, with fluorescent lights mounted above the ceiling and clear 2x4 tiles under them. So I'm trying to tie into that line with an outlet box, into which I can plug the fan. Should be doable. I'm kind of chipping at it- do a little each day to avoid exhaustion.

drugs

Drugs work. What a concept- things that actually do some good!

As you know, I've been fighting pain for the last week, since the last chemo treatment. Last night , at the usual 8:30 dose, it suddenly occurred to me I might be overthinking the whole thing. I get pain, my doctor gave me meds for pain, but I'm trying to attack the cause by fiddling with my diet. So I just simplemindedly said to myself, "you have pain, take meds", and took a double dose. Did it work! I felt a lot better, not just less pain, although it went away nicely, but felt better all over. I was even a bit "high" from the narcotic. But I was able to relax watching the ball game in the evening, and sleep through the night, except for getting up to take off blankets again when I was too warm at midnight. For those interested in dosage, I was taking 20mg, went to 40 last night, back to 30 this morning. I've got 10 mg caps as well as the 20, so a 20 and a 10 is 30.

This morning I still feel fine, no gas pains, no cramps. Amazing drugs!

I understand this drug, whose name I will not mention, is the street drug of choice. Just last week a house in Logenton was broken into just to steal the drug. We're on enhanced security alert- just keeping on eye on people in the area. Since there are so few, and most of them Amish, it's pretty easy.

cramps

Kinda a boring day. Not that's that all bad, considering the alternatives. Had a steak for dinner, most of which tasted real good and went down well. However, it led to world-class indigestion. I had gas cramps, got up from watching the baseball game and had a BM. An hour later, same thing again. By this time it was bed time. I was missing all the good parts of the ball game, being in the bathroom. So I shut it off and went to bed. About midnight I turned over and got the cramps again. I lay still and they went away, so I went to sleep, but remembered all night not to move. By morning I had leg cramps from not moving. I was really kinda afraid to move, but eventually I did and surprise, no cramps. So I had tea and toast, very gingerly, but no negative effects. I don't know what this means either, so don't ask.

You've all heard "Life is a journey, not a destination." right? Very apt, I always thought. Anyway, I've got a new one for you: "Life is an open book test." which is kinda fun. Quite apt too, I think. In this family we obviously believe it- keep reference works handy at all times.

metabalism

Life goes on, sort of. Yesterday was another very lethargic day. I spent a lot of it in bed. I find I tend to go into sick bed mode at ttimes like this. I don't worry about when I'm awake or asleep. If I feel like sleeping, I sleep. If not, not. Anything wakes me up, I wake up, but it doesn't bother me. I can always go back to sleep. I figure I have a certain number of hours laying there doing nothing, so it doesn't matter what time of day or night I do it.

Metabalism seemed out of control again yesterday. In the afternoon, I was very cold. I had the electric mattress pad on, several blankets, and two swetshirts. Later, the pad was off and I was down to one sweatshirt. In the middle of the night, I woke up hot and sweaty. I had no sweatshirts on and had to take a blanket off. This AM I'm kinda normal- chilly, but OK with two sweatshirts. I don't understand why it varies so much over the relativly short time of a day.

Pretty good baaseball games. The Phillies are conning me into rooting for them! I just can't get excited about either of the AL teams.

quiet

All quiet on the Western Front. I'm sleepy today, probably still an effect of the chemo. What a drag.

I managed to stay awake through the baseball game last night, and then slept very well. Very little discomfort in the gut today too, always a good sign. Actually, I feel like a nap, so I guess I'll go take one.

Later!

Maggie

I just talked to Maggie- she wants y'all to know she's fine, happy, cheerful and living in a great house in the Maine woods. The breathing thing is great- no difficulties whatever. She's getting a DSL line, but not until the 21st, so no internet. She's trying to find the local library, where there is usually access. She can go to her brother's house too.

Any way, bottom line is she's doing fine!